Hello, how was your day

Every day i wake up to fall asleep again, what happens throughout the day is fairly irrelevant.

10:30am Wake up.

11:00am Get out of bed

11:15am Eat peanut butter on toast

11:30am Tune into low budget daytime television

2:00pm Eat toasted sandwiches and check facebook

2:30pm Proceed to watch TV

5:22pm Create blog out of boredom

And they say suicide is one of those stupid things people do because they don't think their life through properly.
I find this confusing as I have been sober and depressed all day, and they tell me that its the drugs that cause the problem, even though they are the reason i get out of bed in the morning.
If you smoke/eat/snort this you can get on with your day without ongoing thoughts about stupid shit.

Yes, in saying this i agree my serotonin level is probably one of the causes of this decline in mood, but i don't believe it is the main cause for my constant low mood as i don't find i have the stereotypical "crash" after heaps of amphetamines or psychedelics, i eat healthily and after i spent time in hospital following my last suicide attempt the psychiatric staff also came to the conclusion that it was not the drugs, more a hereditary chemical imbalance in my brain that causes me to have a difficult time dealing with pressure and depression.

So what is the point in living after knowing that my brain causes me to act differently to other people and i am going to have troubles sorting heavier shit out in the future?

Because i beleive if i keep myself happy via use of substances untill that time, hopefully i can make the most out of the time inbetween now and when i inevitably die early.

Thats why i smoke.
Thats why when i cross the road i deliberately look one way.
Thats why i take the drugs they tell you in high school you have potential to loose your mind while you are under the influence.

I have lost the self preservation shit you were born with.