Groan, impartial

Im fucking over this repetitive shit, in and out of mirtazepene induced mania whilst dazed by the fantastic colours of a pscyhedelic wonderland.
Is it life i hate, or is it reality?
I am only ever truly happy, when i am using substances.
The only useful help i have ever received from the doctors has ever been pills.

Drugs drugs drugs

This is because anything they tell me is stupidly obvious.

I can see what my problems are, im just not willing to change the causes, i suppose im just waiting for something to happen, where i dont have to mind myself, that would settle my lifestyle.

I would hate to conform to the system.

All i can think about is drugs, in the meantime. It enables me to set attainable goals, i can earn money, travel and party and get fucked up as much as i want.
But doing so leaves me living a lie, where the people around me dont ever learn much truth about me.

Drugs = Money + Fun

But if people know i am actively processing/ selling drugs i will be caught.
I have to live a double life, and i find this ridiculous.

My lifestyle should be... Sober, working, achieving, saving.
My lifestyle is... Graffiti, Drugs, parties, spending.
What my life should be is shit. it makes me depressed
What my life is is fun... and i should be proud of what i have, but society forces me to repress that.


Should that make me hate society, no.
Society conforms to the masses, if it was legal to take drugs, the masses would do so.

The majority of the population are conformists, and if it was legal to take drugs some people would do so, only doing so solely because they are told they are allowed.

I believe stupid people are not ready to take drugs because stupid people make stupid choices, and confused by the delirium caused by some drugs could cause endangerment to their own (good riddance), or other peoples health.

As a preventative, drugs are illegal because of this.