Fuck this is stupid

Life, life in general is stupid.

A nihilist is a person who chooses not to believe in the existence of morals, in a world without proof to these and that life is pointless.

If that is the case, i am unhappy on a constant basis, life is stupid.
Why haven't i taken the effort to do something about this.
Either make life better for myself, live in constant misery, or kill myself.

I dont care about any of these enough to do something for myself, its like i am content being sad.
But im not content when im sad, thats a contradiction. This doesn't make any sense.

If i kill myself, i could loose the potential to have a good life.
But if im happy when im sad, why wont i be sad when im happy?

Sadness is a stupid thing, it finds me all the time in any situation, out of the 'blue' on a constant basis.

Prescription medication doesn't work.

Illegal drugs are expensive.

Alcohol has its ups and downs.

Money is hard to earn

These are the four things that change my mood.

The only long term fix is a job, im in no mood to go job hunting, i lack the stamina and because of my mood i dont feel confident going in for a job as depression takes its toll on charisma.

My self as-teem has gone down the toilet.

Pretty much im fucked.